HeathensOnline.com

Normally, I’m pretty much immune to all the marketing tricks and trends. All the grand lifestyles, bikini babes, talking animals, and “so cool everyone wants one” type of ploys fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes as the case maybe). But lately, something strange is going on. Either advertisers have found a way to beam test market ad campaigns directly into my subconscious, or one of my split personalities has become a major player in the ad game, and it’s slowly driving me crazy (well, truth be told, crazier)

First there was the 2008 super bowl. Before the game started, and the slew of the standard big player ads, there was a little local ad that had me in stitches, and I thought it was the best of the bunch. It was a car insurance commercial of all things, for a company called Curiel (Cure-all, Cureal?? I’m old, I can’t remember), and featured a simple Blue smiley face. It went something like:

(blue face speaking) ” In order to determine your rate, most car insurance companies check your credit rating, education, health records, etc”

“Well here at Cereal (what was that name??)Insurance, we say <BLEEP> that.”

(a look of confusion takes over the face) “What??? You can’t say <BLEEP> on TV?? That’s stupid.”

Then comes the Text of ” Cure-for-what-ails-you Insurance, a different kind of company (coming soon to PA) ”

I kid you not, I was all set to switch my carrier, no matter the coverage or cost. Sheer balls to the wall fun and risk taking advertising. It deserved my support.

So inevitably the next morning, we are hanging around at work discussing the commercials, and when I mention this one, I get nothing but blank looks. I describe it, everyone laughs, but they have no recollection of it. Now admittedly, there was many a good beer drank that night, and as I said, I’m old (and looney) but still this was BEFORE the game started, surely I wasn’t that drunk yet. Still, no one else seemed to have seen it. Since I had drank that night, I couldn’t quite recall the name of the company, so I couldn’t find anything on the web about them. Had they blown their wad on the commercial and had to close up shop already? Was it some viral campaign that’s going to turn out to be for a drug for Tourettes syndrome? Or was it all imagined, and what I thought was my friends laughing with me at the commercial, actually them mocking my falling off the deep end??

If that was the only occurrence, I’d brush it off, no big thing, just a few synapses misfiring (though it would be a great ad campaign), but its happened again. I “thought” I had seen a commercial for the new console game Army of Two , featuring the song “Vicarious” by Tool , yet again, another brilliant advertising move. First, its the perfect sentiment for a video game that consists of killing massive amounts of people. Second, by getting Maynard to allow you to use the song, it just has to be cool. I was all set to buy. Then I saw the commercial again. Only this time, the music was Mastodon’s cover of “One”. Another good choice (and fitting for the game) but not as cool as Tool. Now I’ve seen alot of trailers lately, so maybe it was another shooter game, perhaps a FPS, which would also makes sense. Frontlines: Fuel of War perhaps?? No, that’s Reach 454. Rainbow Six Vegas 2?? Nope, not even really aware of music in the ads for that. So, where the hell did I see/hear this brilliant ad?? Why can’t I find any mention then, no matter what I google (granted nude asian midgets(NSFW) might not be the best search terms to find them, but ya never know, and if not, its an interesting side trip)? Why is there no listing for them in Wikipedia? And Why does my little toe curl to the left like that?

If these aren’t actual ads, then how come no one is doing them? Are ad men actually all old stuffed shirts that follow some rule book and can’t think beyond it? Is there truly no fresh ideas out there? And if I do have an secret life as an advertising genius, does that mean the suits in my closet and hair gel in the medicine cabinet weren’t from my wife cheating on me?? And if I’m that good, what the hell am I doing with all the extra money? Do I have to do another tax return? Can I claim myself as a dependant? Worse still, am I on a deadline and should be working on the new campaign instead of writing this mess?? Crap, that could be true, I’d better getting working on it. Now how do you work Asian midgets into a Preperation H commercial……..

(edit:  It turns out I’m not as crazy as advertised, the insurance company is NJ Cure, here’s the Commercial.
Still no word on the Video game though)