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Ahh Springtime.  As the days grow longer, and the weather grows warmer, we slowly spiral into those days where we go to vast parties, ones where you are expected to “provide” something to help with the hosting.  Usually its beer, or potato salad or some sort of Bar-B-Que type item.  Since any beer I could afford, Med would turn his nose up at, and I don’t do anything with the word “salad” in it, I always opted for the Bar-B-Que type.  Being the proud carnivore that I am, it would always be some sort of carcass delightfully marinated in various concoctions I came up with the night before while drunk, and they always turned out surprisingly well.  With the icy grip of age settling around us, my compatriots have come down with a “beef intolerance” condition, one that renders them unable to dine on the various cow parts I so enjoy, one that also seemed to have developed as they have joined up with unarguably better halves (something about sharing a bed removes meat as an option at dinner, in as much as they’d be sleeping on the couch otherwise).  So how am I supposed to support these wonderful parties (like the upcoming Ungodly Heathen Nekid Bastard Children’s Day Festival)?  One can only provide Chips and Salsa(which I would think worse for said bed sharing) so many times and still assume to be welcome in any midget games.  Seems to me there is only one other option, Cupcakes.   And while Gilgemesh made a valiant effort for a Hallows Eve treat one year with his delightful Zombie Cakes, I don’t possess such fancy skills nor color coordination.  So what am I to do?  Find a professional, that’s what.  I give you CakeMuffin Girl.

Due to the fact that she is such an ultra cool, sweet girl, I’ll have to refrain from making any comments about her Cupcakes or Muffin, as much as I’d like to otherwise.  And while I could theorize and speculate about them, it would be a fruitless exertion, as I will never know.  Cause I’m married, and would never think of another woman like that (love you honey).  And I’m kinda ugly.  And creepy.  And occasionally have a drooling issue.  And that thing with my left toe.  Okay, okay, she doesn’t even know I exist, but this post can in no way be used in any future court date for receipt of a restraining order (or divorce).  Plus I’m pretty sure she can kick my ass.

But I can tell you this, her cupcakes (the confectionery kind) are top notch.  I have been lucky enough to have tasted quite a few and they are as delicious as they look.  She is always trying to do new things for them, new flavors, new toppings, and add little twists that make them truly standout as showpieces, as well true oral addictions.  She even encourages requests.  She also makes mouthwatering Jams(fresh fruit ones you sick monkeys) that I can’t recommend enough, so good even my wife drools over the thought of them.  Her prices are quite reasonable, and if you live near the Philly Area, I highly suggest you outsource your cupcake needs for the next birthday party, baby shower, or Bar-B-Que, she won’t disappoint.  I’m not sure if shipping is an option though, I certainly wouldn’t trust these things with UPS.

Now the question is, what kind of cupcakes do I request?  What possible design or theme could match something as holy and important as UHNBC’s Day Festival?  I’ll skip the obvious boob cupcakes(though “one” would have to wonder what the “template” for it would be)( “one” would, not me, I’m three), so what else could meet up with such depraved and blatant nudity?  Hairy balls?  But then Med wouldn’t be able to eat any, since his would be held safely in his Lady’s purse (plus I’d have to request some mini sizes for him).  Bugged out eyeballs?  That seems more like a different holiday, like Arbor day or something.  Hmmm I’m just not sure.  At least I have 2 months to think about it, or to get varied and creative suggestions from our faithful readers (hint hint).  In the meantime I’ll be sure to try and con many more “samples” to try and help me decide. 

 And while I don’t think I can get her to deliver them in that “happy 50’s housewife” outfit, maybe I could swing the Barbarella……