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     The other day I was over Med’s house, trying out a growler(jug o’ beer) of  “Racer X” (which is actually quite good, three tastes in one mouthful).  Seeing as it was a lot of beer, I soon had to adjourn to the bathroom.  As I relieved myself, my eyes wandered over the ever present Bike magazine (”What’s More Important, Your Bike or Your Mate?”), Shaving products (his legs are smoother then a Swedish stripper’s privates), baby powder, some weird mini plunger thing that I assumed was for plucking something, etc (yup you guessed it, no Playboy like normal men’s bathrooms).  As I was finishing, I noticed a couple “APEX” film canisters strewn around (you remember Apex film, it was like 35mm but smaller and a little ovalish, just started to get popular before digital cameras hit).  This struck me as strange, not only because they were in the bathroom, but because the only analog piece of equipment even allowed in Med’s house is his turntable, and I think even that plugs in via USB.  But I was finished, and a little drunk, so I shrugged my shoulders, shook something else, and went back out to join Med (after flushing of course).  Med, having finished his beer, I’m sorry, savoring his beer, excused himself to go to the bathroom himself.  Now I’m not positive, but judging by the cleanliness of his bathroom, the distinct “clink” sound when he enters, and the time it takes him to pee, he might actually squat in there, but that’s beside the point (but is a clue later on).  In any event (or release positioning), his extended disappearance (it was alot of beer), gave me ample opportunity to do what everyone does when alone in someone else’s home.  Snoop through his Laptop for porn.

     I quickly bypassed the folders marked “Monkeys peeing“, and “bicycle butts“, some invoice for “Bonerol” (which was odd, since his dog is a female, but whatever), and came across something that really caught my eye (and no it wasn’t this woman).  It was a folder containing a couple of articles about “reclaiming your foreskin“.  Now all jokes about Med’s size issues (and despite references to him of being “hung like a field mouse”, and his staunch position that his shaven legs cause a “micro-climate“, causing him to forever be cold in that area; nor my attempts to help him by telling people that he had an “incident” in the Congo with a man wearing a gold ring, causing people to say such things as “Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny”), it started me thinking (about the idea, not Med’s Junk).  I quickly copied the files and emailed them to myself, just as Med came out of the bathroom.  We sat and chatted about politics, TV, Video Games, etc (all the while with him tugging at his pant leg, or as he said “knee brace necessitated by his jogging”) until I sobered up enough to go home and really dig into these articles.

      Now I was snipped as a child, and never thought about it since.  Its just how “things” were, and it worked fine and did a good job as far as I knew, so why should I care?  Not being accustomed to even looking at, and comparing other guys stuff in a locker room (I was too busy trying to stare through the wall into the girl’s locker room), I never noticed any differences between other kids and I.  Any possible “shunning” or ridicule I might have received as a child was usually do to other things (having long hair and drawing a pentagram on your forehead in catholic school tends to do that).  In fact, I think the first time I fully even noticed a “turtleneck sweater guy” was in my teenage years, when I saw “Lust in Space“.  Even then it didn’t strike me as all that important, of course my attentions were “elsewhere” at the time.  The next time it even came up, was when my son was born in New Zealand, where the doctors refused to do it, despite our wishes.  “Just not done there” was pretty much their reasoning behind it (among other things), with the only option offered being to declare him Jewish, and have a Rabbi perform a bris.  We didn’t, and all it taught me was, as hard as it is to teach a kid how to wipe their own ass properly, getting them to clean “under the hood” without cleaning it “too much” to the point of enjoyment, is an entirely different world.

     One of the reasons they put forth for going for the “turtle” look as opposed to “asparagus” is for the Sexual Sensitivity it improves.  Now I don’t know about the other side, but I think my sensitivity is just fine (or as my wife puts it “aroused by a warm breeze or a busty woman sneezing”).  In fact, I have to distract myself through imagery and concentration in order to provide a fully satisfying experience for others, else I would most likely “pop” too soon (yes dear, its because you are THAT good).  And while the “3 minute rule” sounds good to my aging and increasingly lazy body, convincing my wife of that is a different story.  If my sensitivity were to increase by even 10%, my wife might file for divorce for “sexual cruelty”, and the words “well, I came” doesn’t make a good defense.  Frankly, I just don’t even want to imagine anything worse then the standard “dead puppies/old nuns” (what?  doesn’t everyone do that?) type of things I use now to increase my “time in”.  Which in the end, is really what its all about isn’t it?  The longer I last, the more pleasure I get (and hopefully, give).  Prolonged is always better then a short burst, right?  At least according Mister “long distance runner but slow sprinter” Med, it is.  Of course, getting to sleep sooner does sound nice these days….