Gwen Stefani puts her life, and solo career on hold to bring back No Doubt

Hippie lovefest band Phish, of the permanent breakup, hits the road again

The Police, yeah, another we will never play together again band, plays the Andy Summers Recovery Tour

Mr. Big gets back together.  Really?  Mr. Big?

Cheech and Chong get back together.  Hell Yeah.

Um.  Creed.  NO… this is a place to stop.

This is better than the recent Tree Marriage they performed.  Which is only slightly better than the Frog Marriages they were up to.

Got your own way of making it rain?  Post it below.

Then I suppose you are expected to place the ‘monkey’ in the middle and give it a little forehand/backhand.

Yeah, for those that didn’t click to the link, and made it this far, the monkey spanker is a vibrator for men. I am not usually at a loss for things to say, but this time, I got nothing.

Click over and check it out.  It’s confounding.

He looked around at all his work and wearily thought to himself, “I need a break”.  It had been 7 days. 7 long days, during which he had been constantly working.  Molding. Building. Brainstorming his next great idea. And now, all that work was catching up to him. And, since he was in charge, he declared a day off.  Some days he was really glad to be who he was and not someone else.

Now, one might ask, what did he do on his day off?  Well, not much.  You see, he wasn’t finished with his work, so he basically spent the day sitting around thinking about all the crap he had left to do.  Which sucked.  And, even though he was still tired, instead of taking another day off, he decided to get back to work.

Six days later he was beat.  But, he’d had an idea.  Knowing how lame his first attempt at a day off had gone, and, being of the supremely intellectual type, he had allowed himself some time to prepare things for his next day off. So, with a blanket tossed over his massive shoulder, a basket containing: some wine, a truly marvelous idea if he’d say so himself, some food stuffs, and a few other items he’d put together, he set out for his day off. 

When he got to the little garden he’d thrown together for this day, he stopped and looked around for a good spot to sit.  A short distance away was a large, flowering, apple tree that cast a bit of shade on a nice patch of grass. Strolling over, he spread out the blanket and began to upack the basket.

First he pulled out the wine and food.  For a picnic to go well, you need a good spread, he’d decided.  There were all types of meats and vegetables.  He’d spent a lot of time preparing those.  Especially trying to get the color right.  Vegetables were a tricky thing.  And, he’d found, the colors proved to be a useful tool in figureing out their ripeness.  Not surprisingly, these vegetables were all the perfect color.

After he’d laid out the foods, and the wine, he pulled a couple of people he’d made out of the basket and gave them life.  After all, he was god wasn’t he.  What was the use of being god if you couldn’t make a few people.

He gathered up the people, gave them Blankets and they laid back in the shade.  At first, they sat quietly sipping their wine.  For it was good wine.  What else would god serve.  But as they became a bit more lubricated they thought, Hey, we got god here, we should probably ask a few questions before he takes off. Right? Just the simple stuff.  Like: do you have to eat Or get your hair cut in heaven? What about if your eye got poked out, Would it be waiting for you when you die?

Well, god wasn’t exactly prepared for this type of inquisition.  Who is ever really prepared for an inquisition. He just stood there for a bit.  Shuffling his feet from side to side.  Glancing around at the people. 

Damn.  I’ve created a bunch of dumbasses, he though.

The people cleared their throats and stared at him.  Waiting for an answer. 

So he said: “Once, there was a boy, Who woke up one morning with blue hair. To him it was great.  It was really cool. But then, he began to worry.  He thought of how his friends would see him.  Would they laugh at him.  Would they think he was sick? Or weird?”

And then he folded his arms across his chest and smiled.

But the people just stared at him.

He just stood there for a bit.  Shuffling his feet around nervously.  looking around at the people. 

The people sat in the garden, waiting, as the sun began to drift down. But God didn’t have anything else to add.

Eventually, someone asked him, “I beg your pardon: I’m not exactly clear about what you just said - Was that a parable, or maybe a kind of subtle joke?”

But god just shuffled his feet from side to side.  Glancing around at the people. Thinking “Damn.  I really did create a bunch of dumbasses.”

And, yes.  By that, I mean the Gilgewife told me she’d get me one for Father’s day.  I graciously offered to pick it up.  Ostensibly so that she wouldn’t have to wait in line.  But really, because I don’t want anyone touching my precious but me.

Well, I eventually ended up at the Apple store near where I work.  Turns out AT&T ran out of phones. Everywhere.  The line wound around the mall about 300+ people long.  I wandered up to the end of the line and began what would turn out to be a 4.5 hour wait.

But it was really a good time.  I got to know the people around me in line better than people I have worked with for years.  There was the gentleman who is a programmer for a big online/TV shopping network who has 4 sons all 4 years apart.  The guy who works as an environmental engineer for the government.  Originally from Puerto Rice but ended up here by way of Texas.  The nice lady with two children in a tiny private school who is moving them to public school this fall.

What is it about waiting in a long line that causes you to open up to the people round you as if you knew them and trusted them for longer than you have?  It is a strange dynamic.  We talked about things I am sure we wouldn’t have offered up had we met at a bar or a dinner party.  Is it the strange situation?  A communal, “Oh, we have this one thing in common we probably have more in common” type attitude?

I don’t know what it is, but I do know that I probably won’t see any of them again.  Which is a shame.  We had some good times.  Like when the Apple people brought us water and coffee and more water.  And, then we had to run to Starbucks to take a leak.  And then we brought back more coffee.  And the Apple folks brought more water.  Good times.

I suppose it could be worse.  There are probably people in line right now that can’t stand each other.  Who just want to punch each other in the head.  Glad I wasn’t in that one.

By the way, the new iPhone rocks.  I should have gotten one last year.  

People who have perused some of my other writings may have noticed that I support the efforts over at Zombie Popcorn.  Both in a quest for more 3D movies and also in a better quality of life for our animal brethren.  I suggest checking out the site for the latest in zombie news.  And to get their link to free asian style horror movies go here. For folks who haven’t been keeping track, they have taken the good fight up to the great city of NY.  Coincidentally, you can fight for both causes there.  Well, their perserverance, they have been there for well over a month by my count, has gotten me thinking on what I should be concerned about. 

Now, it’s about at this time that I hear my Heathen brethren saying, but isn’t Heathenism your cause.  And, to you folks I answer, “NO, not really.” Heathenism isn’t a cause, it’s more a way of life.  A cause is something you fight for and try, hopefully quite hard, to get other people to support.  This is the wrong way to encourage Heathenism.  We don’t go door to door with a special Heathen bible telling people what to do.  Similar to the Matrix, we put the word out and wait for those ready to leave their false lives to find us.

But I digress.  After much deliberation I have finally decided on the cause I am going to support.  I know I could have taken the easy way out and joined in a cause I have friends already fighting for, but that’s just not the way I do things. It’s never easy.  Besides, I wanted to find something that I could even get some of my more lethargic friends to support.

So I present Gilgemesh’s Heathen cause for support:

Lightbulbs

Yeah, lightbulbs.  I know, it seems silly, but let me have a few more minutes of your time to explain. While checking out some vital sports news on Si.com the other day I noticed one of the banner ads. Normally I don’t pay attention to these glaring attrocities, but something about it caught my eye.  After finishing the article I was reading I gave the banner a click.  Desperately hoping it wouldn’t take me somewhere not safe for work.

This is where I ended up. www.unscrewamerica.org

OK, so, perhaps that explains why my attention was caught by this banner ad, but in any case it is definitely worth a click.  They have a ton of great info there, all organized in a very easy to get through  way.  But, to save you the time, here is the gist of the lightbulb issue.

Currently there are 3 main types of bulbs made for general home use: Incandescents, CFLs, and LEDs. Incandescents are the regular 6 for $3.00 bulbs you can get at the store.  These are cheap bulbs that last about 1000 hours and create a ton of heat.  CFLs are slightly more expensive per bulb, about $2.50 each at the store.  But, and this is where it gets good, they last up to 15,000 hours, use 80% less energy, and produce much less heat. LEDs are the next stage, future of lightbulbs, but they aren’t quite ready for the prime time.  LEDs last up to 60,000 hours, and produce almost no heat.  They are just a bit too expensive right now for practical use.

So, now you know a little bit of the info.  Here is the breakdown financially: Incandescent bulbs at 1000 hours per bulb, costing $.50 each are $7.50 for 15,000 hours of use.  CFLs are $2.50 for 15,000 hours.  What?  That doesn’t convince you? Well, think about not having to change a bulb in your hours more than, oh, once every seven years.  Sound good?  OK.  Now lets add in a bit of the power savings.

Over the course of 15,000 hours of use a standard incandescent bulb uses 900kwh of energy. At about $.10 per hour that comes to $90. The CFL uses 20% of the energy an incandescant does, for a grand total of $18 over the course of it’s 7 year life.  Grand total: Incandescent $97.50, CFL $20.50.  Which one do you want to use now?

But there’s more.  Changing one bulb to a CFL saves 450 pounds of power plant emissions.  Just for reference that’s about 3 of me.  And, if we all change just 6 bulbs to CFLs we can save the US $3.6 billion in energy cost.  Hmm.  Now there’s something to think about.

“Well,” I hear you say, “What are the drawbacks?” There are 2. First, as Gilgewife will point out, it takes a few seconds for a CFL to reach maximum luminosity. An incandescent bulb reaches max lumens much faster. Second, and this is the important part, there is a tiny amount of mercury in a CFL bulb. The good news on that is, many major retailers either have programs in place for you to bring in your old bulbs for recycling, or will by the time your first bulb needs replacing. Remeber, we are talking 7 years from now. And hopefully, by then, LEDs will be at a price everyone can afford.

So, what are you waiting for? Go change your light bulbs.

Case in point, this story. Now, how can it be possible that a simple parade of Zombies and such, causing no harm, not even a simple brain sucking, can be blashphemous.  Well, enter the Church.  Fresh off their castigation of minorities, mud wrestling and topless mechanical bull riding, they step up to the plate to condescend about a bit of quiet Zombie fun.

It is important to note that this is the same country that throws a giant tomato fight, runs with the bulls, and, oh yeah, ran a little thing called the inquisition.

Updated, with links.

As I walk, pools of shadow stretch out before me. Splashing across the street and crawling up the walls. Their glossy tendrils attempting to steal some of my warmth. I have no need to shelter myself from their cold grasp, as my thoughts turn to you.

The light of your eyes still ignites me. A glow that is hard to extinguish. Even though it has been long since we spoke. Even as the wind picks up. A slight quiver runs through the length of my body. But this is not the effect of the cold. It is a deep desire for you. To see the warmth of your smile. Feel the thrill of your touch. But I know that my shaking will stop. You will show up and make things all right.

I walk up the street a bit further. I reflect on the things you have told me. How you swore that you’d love me completely. That our love would always burn brightly. I know that you would never leave me. But here I stand waiting for you. Like an actor in an old movie. The grey sky dimly above me. The black street laughing below. I want to make all your dreams come true.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been here. Standing and waiting alone. I think that love might be hopless. I’m standing here feeling blue.

The sky opens up above me. And the rain, it begins tumbling down. Huge drops fall all around me. The wind blowing them into my face. I’ll stand here on this dark corner, and watch the people go shuffling by. I wonder where they might be going. Is sombody waiting for them?

I’ll wait for ten minutes more and then go home. I can’t put myself through this much longer. I watch the clock on the wall slowly turning. The time clicking quietly past. And now my heart is tight in my chest. The beats begin thumping out louder. My spirits are starting to sag. This storm I had hoped would blow over, is clouding the light of the love that I’d found.

And the hands on the clock keep on ticking. No matter how hard I keep staring, I can’t find a way to get time to stop. And then I keep thinking this over. How could I mistake your true feelings. Could the light in your eyes have been faking.

I see it play out in my daydream. I don’t seem to be there with you.

The night is again encroaching. The dark coming swiftly down. The rain doesn’t seem to be stopping. There’s no light out tonight to be found.

I need to move on. The rain, is pouring down, the cold, the wind. The night. Closing in. I need to get home. I need to move on.

Now my body lets out a big shudder. I shake off great beads of sweat. My palms have become cold and they’re clammy. I should never have begun to doubt you. I’ve made everything a terrible mess.

Then I run in the rain untill breathless. When I’m breathless I run till I drop. The thoughts of a fool are quite careless. I’m a fool waiting on the wrong block.

Yes, it is wine in a box, a great reason to point you to this other ’in a box’ video. More importantly for each box of wine a consumer purchases the distributor is buying CO2 credits.  The more the Norwegians drink, the better the environment will be.  

Just think what would happen if Budwiser started a campaign like that over in Nascar.  Al Gore might need to find a new job.