Something involving us drinking beer.

Here’s what we came up with: two beers, three (or more) tasters, single blind (we know what two are in front of us but not which is which) head to head (tip of the hat to AleLagerLambic) tasting done less “to style” and more to “I like this one better”. Grading done on the five traditional tasting criteria (appearance, aroma, taste, mouthfeel, drinkablility) with the winner having the glorious distinction of being declared better than the other one. To us.

Right! First up: English Barleywines.

Rock Art Brewery Ridge Runner Vs. Duck-Rabbit Barleywine

Appearance

Both beers poured a nice deep copper color with a slight off white head.

Med: Wow. They look pretty much identical.

Gil: No look, this one (Rock Art) has a few more bubbles!

Fade: How come I got mine last?

Winner: Rock Art

Aroma

Fade: When you say “barleywine” this one (Duck-Rabbit) smells the way I expect it to. Sweet and a little malty.

Gil: Yeah, and this one (Rock Art) is completely different, and not in a good way. Too much alcohol.

Med: Too much alcohol and really yeasty. Like bread crust yeasty.

Winner: Duck-Rabbit

Taste

Med: Not even close. This one (Duck -Rabbit) is sweet, develops nicely, and lingers at the finish.

Fade: See, this one (Duck-Rabbit) is like a big firework. It builds, explodes with flavor, then slowly fades. This one (Rock Art) is more like a sparkler. And not even like a sparkler that we had as kids, more like the lame-ass sparklers they have now. You light it, it spews forth a couple of sparks for a few seconds, then goes out.

Gil: Hey, we should have Heathen Olympics.

Winner: Duck-Rabbit

Mouthfeel

Gil: This one’s (Duck -Rabbit) great. Medium body and just enough carbonation.

Fade: This one (Rock Art) feels like water.

Med: That’s it exactly. Water. With bubbles. Not even good bubbles. Big ole’ soda bubbles.

Winner: Duck -Rabbit

Overall Winner: Duck-Rabbit

It really wasn’t even close. Once we got past the fact that the Rock Art squeaked out a win in appearance this was utter domination. The Duck-Rabbit officially becomes the first ever “Beer that we thought was better than that other one”.

Of special note, when it came down to guessing which was which, Gilgemesh nailed it based purely on the labels. What can I say, he’s got talent.

Have a couple of brews you’d like us to compare in the name of Public Service? Shoot me an email.

This is not a post about any of those products.

This post is about a product for everyone. A product that could not only change the way you and your family watch television, play video games, or enjoy a movie, but could actually change the way you look at the world!

It’s a robot.

It’s a model of R2D2.

It’s a projector.

IT’S ALL THREE! (<–click)

Seriously folks. While I somehow doubt this is going to give quite the same performance as a properly installed and calibrated “high end” display, I do truly believe it has a far better chance of ending all war and bringing peace to the world. What possible dispute couldn’t be solved by a couple of Halo Death Matches on this here puppy?

There you go, then. It’s your CIVIC DUTY! At least that’s how I think Gil and Fade will try and explain it to their wives…

Hype. Dictionary.com defines it as “exaggerated publicity; hoopla”. I think it’s safe to say that most of us have at one time or another been caught up in hype, and on nearly every one of those occasions been let down. Maybe it was a new book (are you listening Mr. Barker?), maybe it was a song or record (hey, Public Enemy warned us) or even a TV show.

But some things defy the typical. Some things really are as good as everyone says. The obvious one here is sex. And boobs. And nekid women in general.

But I digress…

The item I’m talking about today is a beer. Specifically Westvleteren 8. Brewed by the Trappist monks of the Abbey of Saint Sixtus of Westvleteren, this beer is considered by many beer fans to be a sort of Holy Grail. In fact it’s big brother currently occupies the number on rating in the world over at BeerAdvocate. One of the reasons these beers are so popular would seem to be the difficulty one has in acquiring it. You see, Westvleteren produces less beer than any other Trappist abbey, and more to the point it’s only officially sold at the gates of the abbey itself. Add to this that you must make an appointment and can only purchase two cases per month and a sort of mystique begins to form. Would it be any wonder if people everywhere, having jumped through so many hoops to get a bottle, maybe gave it a little more credit than it deserved?

Fortunately I was recently in a position to find out:

A careful pour into a Duvel tulip reveals what could quite possibly be the best looking beer I’ve ever see. A dark ruby red sparkles in the light beneath a generous slightly off-white head. This is starting off much better that I could have hoped.

Bringing the glass to my nose and inhaling deeply my skepticism is returns with an aroma dominated by yeast and alcohol. There is obviously some amazing malt underneath giving hints of toffee and caramel but it’s far from a world class nose. The first taste confirms much of what was now suspected with an overly sweet and cloying start and while there really is a nicely complex beer in there somewhere the musty yeast reminds me of drinking bread while the carbonation is a bit over the top and distracts from the mouthfeel.

Okay. Step back. Take 15 minutes and try it again.

Wow. This isn’t beer. This is liquid boobs. In a short time the aroma has completely changed. The yeast is still there but now it’s a note among many. The alcohol has almost completely disappeared and now the toffee and caramel reveal themselves. The taste is equally transformed. Toffee and caramel continue from the smell and are complemented by dark fruit somewhere in the middle until the flavor actually changes during the swallow into a nice sour bitterness that stays in the side of the mouth. The carbonation has mellowed a bit and now the fine bubbles tickle the tongue and enhance the full body.

Wonderful. Fantastic. Insert additional favorable descriptions here.

So in a nutshell the “Westy 8″ really does live up to the hype and joins a select few elite beers that truly deserve to be referred to as “World Class”. Now the question remains will it’s big brother fare as well?

I intend to find out.

It just so happens that the company I now work for is searching for a new employee and as such we’ve been receiving a fair number of resumes. I’ve seen more than a few such application in my career, but many of these that we’re getting are showing a new and troubling trend. Really stupid email addresses.

Normally I could care less what email address a person uses. If you want to express your individuality and have an email address of hairymonkey@whatever dot com then please, go nuts. But when submitting a job application you might want to try something a little more, shall we say, business-like. The specific email address that caused me to ruminate upon this subject shall alas not be revealed in this post as I don’t want to open the Heathens up to litigation (even though we have a very good attack lawyer) but I’ll give you a completely made up one that is eerily similar: keptdownbytheman@whatever dot com.

Seriously.

Now I’m not suggesting our friend here is not, in fact, kept down by the man. In fact I venture to say that the man has in all likelihood beat him down like Ike on Tina. But there’s a time and a place for such information. It almost reminds me of a friend of mine who happens to be Jewish (and looks the part) and asked a potential employee of his why she was looking to leave her current employer. The reply? “‘Cause they pay like Jews.” This really happened.

Really. Go to Gmail. It’s free. In fact if you’re that hard-up (and want to REALLY impress people) shoot me an email and I’ll set you up with a HeathensOnline.com address (note: may require cupcakes, booze, or other payment. Subject to approval. Limited time offer.)

That having been said, I find myself in agreement with the ideals behind Gil’s post if not the specifics. What has become of us? Many of us grew up hearing stories from our parents about protesting Vietnam. Where is that dissent today? The number of US Military casualties in Iraq passed 4,000 this week. That’s more that 2 soldiers a day dying in a war seemingly fought over rhetoric. The only person I know who actively protests is, not surprisingly, my mother. Her generation had a healthy mistrust of the government and vocalized that. When Nixon lied he was impeached. When GWB lied (lies?) we see an angry op-ed in the New York Times then it’s quickly forgotten about. And I don’t just mean the war. What about the recent movement to give immunity to communication companies for assisting in illegal wiretaps? Of all the companies asked to provide the information without a warrant only Qwest protected it’s customers’ civil liberties, but that doesn’t seem to matter. We are giving our freedoms away.

Don’t want to go out and protest? Fine, vote with your wallet. Want vehicles to have better gas mileage? Don’t buy a Hummer. Think there’s nothing good on TV? Stop watching American Idol. Think there might be something to this “Global Warming” thing? Don’t buy products from companies that pollute irresponsibly. Want to have a helpful local business to shop at? Don’t spend money at places that practice predatory retail.

Go out tonight and rent “Network“:

“I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!… You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: “I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”“

“Burn this book.”

With these opening words we are introduced to Jakabok Botch, demon of the ninth circle of hell. The book in question is of course the novel in the reader’s hands, presented as a “never-before published memoir allegedly penned in the year 1438″. I seem to recall reading an interview with Mr. Barker in which he mentioned playing with letters to make new words and happening upon the name Jakabok, and then built the story around the name. I could easily believe this as the character we come to know fit’s the name so well it’s hard to imagine him being anything else. This novel is beautifully crafted. As we read the story of Mister B. we begin to feel a kinship of sorts with him. We revel in his victories and share the sorrow of his defeats. This is as fine an example of character development as I can think of.

So why am I a little disappointed?

For one thing, the story flow is so linear and the foreshadowing somewhat heavy handed so relatively early on the inevitable conclusion is realized, and we have to hope for some gems along the way to keep us interested. By and large these gems are delivered in the way of some interesting twists, a few truly thought provoking moments, and the general quality of the storytelling. To me, though, the most disappointing aspect of this novel is that it didn’t scare me. I mean barely a cringe. Barker seems to have lost the stomach for the sheer brutality present in his earlier work, and that puts this book in an awkward place. Like the kid you knew in high school that wasn’t particularly good at sports, wasn’t good looking, and still got bad grades Mister B. Gone has a hard time finding it’s place in the world. I don’t think it will appeal to the hardcore horror fans in the same way earlier work like the Books of Blood or The Hellbound Heart, nor will parents be likely to deem it appropriate for their youngsters as they would with The Thief of Always (which is fantastic by the way).

Recommended for Barker completionists or as a way to ease a new reader into Barker’s horror back catalogue.

That’s where I saw it.

I think names are important in many things, and beer is one of them. Perhaps the best name in beer right now is the excellent (name and beer) Stone Arrogant Bastard. Other notables would be Dark Horizon by Nogne, or even the suspiciously named Old Heathen by Weyerbacher. A beer’s name should tell you something. It should speak to the flavor, character, appearance, or history. When you order a bottle of Darkness you know what to expect.

What, then, should I expect from Bear Republic’s Red Rocket Ale?

For those not familiar, Bauhaus (named for a style of architecture) formed in 1978 and released four full-length albums before breaking up in 1983. Frontman Peter Murphy moved on to a successful solo career while the other members formed, among other things, Love & Rockets.

Overall this album is a gem. The opening guitars of Too Much 21st Century or the drums in Endless Summer of the Damned are classic Bauhaus, immediately bringing a smile to any fan, while Murphy sounds as good on this album as he ever has, especially on the tracks Saved or Mirror Remains. There are stronger tracks and there are weaker tracks, and fans will make their own choices as to which are which, but what is undeniable is that this is a BAUHAUS album. While the pop sensibilities of Daniel Ash can be heard in places (Adrenalin) and the eastern spirituality of later Peter Murphy shows here and there (Zikir) there are strong connections at every moment to the band that told us all about Bela Lugosi. In many ways I think this music is made stronger by the twenty five years that have passed, and an argument could be made that as a whole, this is a more fitting end to the legacy than 1983’s Burning From the Inside.

One note: according to the bands website, this is a posthumous release. The band has called it quits again, and this time it seems to truly be the end. No tour has been announced, nor is one likely. That’s a shame, if for no other reason than because The Dog’s a Vapour would have been a stonking good time live.

Recommended.

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Thanks for playing.